PIECES
Story told at 20:03 // 0 person(s) left violent reaction(s).

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going well, another falls spectacularly to pieces...

this day was extraordinary. aside from the unbelievable fact that this week's our last week for the semester, our exam started at 7:00am and I WASN'T LATE!!! so extraordinary, right? :D

the scheduled subjects this morning were the bloody Math112 [Numerical Methods] and IT253 [Cisco Networking 4.0]. i slept at 12:30am last night kahit pinilit ko lang para hindi ako antukin habang nag-eexam [yeah, inaantok ako pag nag-eexam lalo pag wala na akong maisagot]. sabi ko gigising na lang ako ng 3:30am para mag-aral ulit.

5:20am na ko gumising.

nauna ako magising ke PJ, pero 4:25am pa lang nag-misscall na sya. siguro naalala nya ung sinabi ko sa kanyang 3:30am ako gigising. hehe.

nang-asar pa ko. gusto ko ma-late ung kapatid ko. pero wala akong magawa, dahil dalawang shotgun ang tumatama sa mga tenga ko umagang-umaga pa lang. ligo + kaen + alis. maaga pa lang, polusyon na agad. grabe na talaga ang mundo.

ngayon lang ako sumakay ng pedicab ng umaga sa Legarda. grabe. 5 sa isang pedicab. 20 isang tao. kahit maipit na sya dun sa kinauupuan nya, okay lang. basta kumita lang. ang hirap talaga kumita ng pera.

hindi ako late. hindi ako late! HINDI AKO LATE! nagulat siguro ung classmates ko nung makita kong nauna pa ke Sir Alex [prof ko sa Numericals]. haha. nauna lang ako sa kanya ng mga ilang steps. :P at least di ba! :))

aun. umakyat lang pala sya para sabihing hindi kame sa room 57 mag-eexam at sa ICS Lab 2. OO. sa Lab. ibig sabihin, online. ONLINE!!! SYEEEEEEET! kung hindi lang baka ibagsak nya kami, magrereklamo kame. expected ko, dalawang problem: isa sa Interpolation Using Polynomials, isa sa Linear Systems. haay. marami talagang namamatay sa AKALA. aun. online exam. 19 bloody items for 1 hour and 45 minutes. walang Aitken's na paborito ko, walang Gauss-Jordan, walang Gauss-Forward at Backward. puro Newtons, puro Lagrange, puro Gauss-Seidel. no backtracking allowed so forced ka na sagutan un kahit hindi mo alam kung masasagutan mo ba talaga. GRABE!!! ayoko talaga ng ganung klaseng exam. kung bakit ba naman nahilig pa si Sir gumamit ng eLeap. napakamalas namang talaga. aun. halos maubos ko ung alloted time. pero me mga tanong akong hindi ko alam kung panu isolve. result? 45 out of 100. HOLY SH*T! buti na lang me allowance ako sa grade. kung hindi, wala na. makikiusap ako ke Sir para i-add ung subkect na Math112 for next sem. grrr.

as of now, out of 600, i have 383. me mga kulang pa. 3.0 pa yan. hahaha! poot-sa. wag lang bababa ng 50%. para kong nagpakamatay. T_T

***
next exam, Cisco. the schedule was 10-11. lintek na Ma'am Bea. ginawang 9-10. eh ni hindi ako nagbasa dun kahit Module 1!!! aun. nagkasala na naman kami... pero wala pa rin. mangiyak-ngiyak na ko dahil kung anu-anung lumabas na tanong dun. parang mga tae. 52 questions. i wasn't able to answer even half of it correctly. i got 43% for the finals, and that was the end of my happy days. I FAIL. we, Kuya Hermar and Champ, tried to talk to her and asked for a retake of any of the modular exams we had before. i remember i had a 91% grade for a module. if i could perfect that, i might pass. unfortunately, she didn't give us this chance. she kept on telling us that there's no more way to change the result. HAAY. i wanted to cry... but i wouldn't.

"I AM THE HAPPIEST BEING IN THIS WORLD TODAY!!!" that's the only thing i could say sarcastically. i left without waving goodbye to my classmates. i almost got hit by a jeep at España. and i wished i died when PJ texted me then a message appeared on my cellphone saying. "Check Operator Services". this would be the luckiest moment of my life.

i've been trying to tell myself that if we could talk to Sir Jale [another Cisco professor], he might help us. i really don't want to give up like that this time. Cisco isn't the only subject that's half-buried. me Webtech, SE at OR pa. hindi ko matanggap na pati Cisco ibabagsak ko pa. ganun na ba talaga ko kalala?!

Question: If you were given a chance to take another program/s, what will that be? Answer: Journalism. Communication Arts. Tourism. COMPUTER SCIENCE will NEVER be on the list.

there's something wrong. i'm not anymore happy with the way my life goes. i can say that i am happy with someone though we're not committed; but then everything falls apart INCLUDING my academics. bat pag nagiging masaya ko sa isang part ng buhay ko, biglang lulubog ng bigla ung kabilang part? how can this world be so cruel to me? :((

i don't want my parents to get frustrated pati sakin. this is not what they wanted for me. everybody expects me to be graduating on March 2009. i myself even do. but what if, this failures are signs? signs that i'm already not taking the right path? that on the next semester, i will fail again and again? HUHU. this is the hardest moment. it's not about the present; it's already about the future. why just now? why not on my 1st year or 2nd year in college when everything could still be patched up? :c

please encourage me not to think that life will always be unfair to me. i'm starting to hate myself and my life. this is not good anymore. :[

*cries*

i have 3 more subjects to take. i can't concentrate. i keep on thinking that there's no more hope left... that whether i study or not, i will still end up as a FAILURE in everybody's eyes. :((

SERIOUSLY, I FEEL LIKE I'M THE MOST STUPID PERSON IN THE CLASS.
you think it's still good? =/

i won't ask you guys to wish luck for me. luck was never on my vocabulary.

"SATAN SMILED ON ME TODAY..."